When you mention marriage,
Guys hear sirens and see flashing lights

The Fundamental Fear of Marriage

Guys are born with a fundamental, genetically-transmitted mental
condition known to psychologists as:

The Fear That If You Get Attached to a Woman, Some 
Unattached Guy, Somewhere, will Be Having More Fun Than You.

This is why all married guys assume that all unmarried guys lead 
lives of constant excitement involving hot tubs full of international 
fashion models; whereas in fact for most unmarried guys, the climax 
of the typical evening is watching an infomercial for Hair-in-a-Spray 
can while eating onion dip straight from the container.

So, guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to 
take any steps that might lead to commitment. This is why, when a 
guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking 
her, he often will demonstrate his affection by avoiding her for the rest 
of his life.

Women are puzzled by this. "I don't understand," they say, "We had
such a great time! Why doesn't he call?"

The reason is that the guy, using the linear guy thought process, has 
realized that if he takes her out again, he'll probably like her even 
more, so he'll take her out again, and eventually they'll fall in love with 
each other, and they'll get married, and they'll have children, and 
then they'll have grandchildren, and eventually they'll retire and take 
a trip around the world, and they'll be walking hand-in-hand on some 
spectacular beach in the South Pacific, reminiscing about the 
lifetime of experiences they've shared together, and then several 
international fashion models will walk up and invite him to join them in 
a hot tub, and he won't be able to do it.

And wouldn't that just stink???

Marriage Giggles..........

10 Merry Accounts of the Experience of Marriage:

1. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. 

2. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger. The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." 

3. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." 

4. A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted. "Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." 

5. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." 

6. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. 

7. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. 

8. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." 

9. How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. 

10. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Bill and Hillary

Bill and Hillary were married for 40 years. When they first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise to never look in it".
In all their 40 years of marriage Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and looked inside the box. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and then confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the cans in the box?" Bill thought for a while and said," I guess that after all these years you deserve the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you (and had an improper relationship) I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess that after all those years away from home and on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" Bill answered," Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in."

Italian Wedding Jitters

A young Italian girl had finally married her Italian beau. They did not have enough money for a honeymoon so the mother of the bride offered for the couple to stay in her home, in the guest bedroom until they were able to get on their own feet. 

The young bride was very nervous about her first night along with her husband. He took off his shirt, and revealed his hairy chest. The young bride gasped, and ran down to her mother. She cried, "Momma! He has hair all over his chest!" Her mother looked up at her and said, "Don't worry my daughter, all good Italian men have a hairy chest. Run back upstairs he take a good care of you." The bride got back to the room, and her husband took off his pants, and to her amazement, hairy legs. She ran to her mother and cried "Momma he has big hairy legs!" The mother looked at her daughter and said "Don't worry my daughter, all good Italian men have big hairy legs. Run back upstairs he take a good care of you." The daughter went upstairs, her husband then took off his socks. Under those socks he only had 7 toes. The daughter ran to her mother she cried "Momma! He has a foot and a half!" The mother looked up at her daughter, pushed her out of the way and said "Stay here my daughter, this is a job for Momma!"