A guy took a blonde out on a date one night. Eventually they ended up
parked at 'lovers point' where they started making out. After things
started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky. After a few more
minutes of fooling around, he asked his date,

"Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answered.

Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet.

Now he has her shirt and skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are
getting really hot, so he asks again.

"Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answers again.

Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his
pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.

"Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.

"NO!" she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he demands, "Well, why not?"

"Because I want to stay up here with you!"

A blonde man frantically calls 911 and says, "Help... my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".

The 911 operator asks, "Is this her first child?"

To which the blond replies, "Of course not, you idiot... this is her husband".

Two blondes are working on a house. One of them, who’s nailing down siding, has been reaching into her pouch, pulling out a nail and either tossing it over her shoulder or nailing it in. The second blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asks, "Hey, how come you’re throwing half the nails over your shoulder?"

The first blonde explains, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away because it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in."

"You moron!" the second blonde yells. "The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective. They’re for the other side of the house."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove
my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?" The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps. After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals— unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.

After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."